….And this is where it all began (Part 2)

In continuance to my last post of bringing everyone up to speed….

So, after that relationship ended. I went through a lot of relationships, using sex as a weapon, and still tried to find the place in the world where I belong. I hung out with many different crowds, and I could “feel” that they wanted me around. Everyone just always seemed happy those days, but I was still feeling the emptiness of a relationship and love. I met up with an old family acquaintance and we became a couple, and after about a year we moved in together. This was the first guy I’d lived with. He proposed, I said yes, but wasn’t really truly happy. This relationship resulted in him calling me by my best friend (at the time) name while we were having sex. Needless to say, I dropped him like a bad habit. Then to find out that he had tried to hook up with a girl from his school who she asked about me and he said that I was “nobody”. Turns out that this girl was a distant relative of mine, and when we bumped into each other after my breakup, she told me everything.

Jay, from the previous post, had toughened up my skin enough to not put up with crap anymore, which I am thankful for. Back then, I was fit, I hung around the college kids who accepted me because they didn’t know me, I got a lot of attention from the male population, probably from the way I dressed, lol. Back on the market I went…..

At this point, I was now 21 and was more in the “real world” clientele rather than near the college people I knew. I didn’t even go to college. It was just a friend of a friend of a party, etc and I met a handful of people that nowadays, I couldn’t tell you where or what they’re doing unless I look them up on facebook here and there.  Being 21 and working a full time job and going out a lot of the men that for some reason I was attracting were married, or at least in a relationship. At first I was disgusted with the disrespect they had shown for their ‘special lady’, but then it came to the point that my mind frame went to “Well, if it’s not ME he’s cheating with, it will be someone else anyhow” which eased up my conscience.  I was just happy to have a “man” interested in me, and knowing that it was my safety. I wouldn’t have to worry about him cheating on me, because I knew where I stood. I never believed, nor wanted to hear, the sob stories of “how their wife doesn’t understand them” or that “they’ve been sleeping on the couch”, or “I wish it was you…” blah blah blah.  Liars. I guarantee if they put as much effort into either working it out or ending their relationship because they’re that unhappy that they spend trying to find a spare moment to see me, I’m sure the girlfriend/wife would have reciprocated.

The first older man that was interested in me was absolutely gorgeous. I wanted every single piece of him. Excited just over the way he would look at me. He was a product delivery driver at the place of employment I was at.  After showing up late excessively from partying with the college kids, I was eventually terminated.  I knew I’d only have to hope to see him some day in traffic, or ‘randomly’ bump into him at the gym where I worked out, and he played basketball. Or even leaving after work since the next job I got was next door to the delivery company, which is total coincidence by the way….

…..and then, I see him walk through the locked door at my new job, meet eyes with me, walk past me, right up to my direct supervisors desk and kisses her on the lips………….. I could’ve died, right on the spot.

Gotta go finish up the work day… Stay tuned for part 3 continuance…….

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